A powerful guest blog

We’ve got a powerful guest blog this week from Clare Parker, our director of nursing, healthcare professionals and quality governance.

Talking about our own personal experience can help reduce stigma and make it OK to talk about mental health issues, so many thanks to Clare for being so open and sharing her story.

Best wishes,
Claire

Claire Molloy, chief executive

****************************************
Do we really know the people we work alongside each day? 

Here's me with my grandad

Often we can spend many hours working closely with people, but never really take the time to get to know them or take an interest in what is going on for them, perhaps over a cup of coffee. 

How do we know when people are going through celebrations or challenges in their family and personal life?  And how do we offer support, kindness and compassion at work?

One thing that people might not know about me is that nearly two years ago, my 96 year old grandad took his own life. He had been widowed 18 months previously following the death of my 94 year old nanna, who died of motor neurone disease. 

On the anniversary of his death last March, I posted on twitter to raise awareness of older people’s suicide and, just before Christmas, I made a decision to take part in a Schwartz round, as the theme for the day was ‘suicide awareness’. 

To sit in front of my colleagues and share my story was not an easy decision for me. It is an emotional and personal story, but one which I feel passionately about sharing to keep raising awareness of this challenging topic. 

I don’t mind admitting that I did become tearful as I shared  how I had always looked up to my grandparents, how they had given me so many fantastic memories and how one of the lessons they gave me was to “make the most of life and the experiences it can bring”. 

They were strong advocates of making memories, rather than collecting things, and they themselves travelled the world and certainly enjoyed and lived a full and rewarding life together. 

The impact of my grandad’s suicide has been very different for each and every member of my family, but for me it has been important to reflect on, recognise and celebrate the lives of my grandparents.

In my day to day role in our Trust, suicide is something I have to read about, talk about and think about on a weekly basis.  It is so important to think about the families, our staff and wider teams and communities who are affected by each and every suicide. And to remember it is something we should talk about and consider how it impacts our colleagues, so we can offer support and compassion, and even a shoulder to cry on, at times. 

Alongside me on the panel were two amazing and inspiring colleagues, who also shared their personal and emotional stories. It reminded me that it is the people around us - our family and friends, but also our work family - who contribute to how we behave, think and feel. 

Experiences we have both in and out of work contribute to our own health and wellbeing and the people we work alongside contribute to that enormously. 

A reminder that we all need to make sure we look after ourselves, as well as other people around us.  So try to make time to have that cup of coffee with a colleague.

Best wishes,
Clare Parker

Year of the rat, avoiding Facebook and SAS Who Dares Wins

Happy New Year!

I always wonder for how long we should say these good tidings, after the celebrations and hangovers of New Year’s Eve have come and gone. But as it’s the first main week after the holiday period, I’ve been keeping it going.

I hope some enjoyment, relaxation and indulgence featured over your festive season. I certainly spent at least one day in my pyjamas watching films and not doing much. It's one of the few times when we can do this and not feel guilty.

For those of you who worked during this time and didn't get this opportunity, I’m hugely thankful for your commitment. An especially big thank you to those working on Christmas day for making it so positive for people in our services.

January can be very tough though, as we leave behind the twinkly lights and Christmas TV.  With the excess of December in the rear-view mirror, this first month of the year can sometimes feel a bit miserable.

There’s also so much pressure to improve ourselves!

The word ‘new’ is everywhere; New Year, new decade, new you, new body, new skills, new adventures. Gym membership deals, detox apps, diet features are all prodding our anxieties every way we turn.

I’m avoiding Facebook at the moment, as I can’t cope with the declarations of self-improvement and punishing goals.

I’m not criticising New Year’s resolutions or goals. It’s just that it can make people feel pretty inadequate hearing about the huge aspirations of others when you might just be struggling to do the basics.

I absolutely applaud the desire for improvement, but changes don't need to be heroic. Apparently, a third of resolutions fail by the middle of January. So, there must be a compromise?

What if this year we decide that change is more achievable if it’s done in small steps? We don't have to devour the whole cake in one bite, but we can eat it slice by slice over a longer period of time.

So, we could cut down on the chocolate (a bit), drink more mindfully, do the odd walk, but not with ambition of perfecting ourselves or cutting out completely the things that bring us joy in our existing day-to-day lives (chocolate).

I’m simply going to try to walk more (literally, small steps!). I’ve joined in on the step challenge that our rehab and high support team has set up to get patients and staff walking more. We all get pedometers and away we go.

If we’re looking at the Chinese horoscope, then this is the year for us. Yes, it’s the Year of the Rat (!), but forget the negative image of this rascal rodent.

The rat ranks first on the Chinese zodiac and is associated with spirit, wit, flexibility and courage.  Something you have in bucket-loads.

Its optimistic, energetic and tenacious nature resonates with our values of determination and ingenuity. Values that we’ll need to draw on more as we embark on another year of change.

It’s easy to be swamped by the magnitude of a challenge, but transformation is about many small changes.

I’m an avid fan of the TV programme ‘SAS Who Dares Win’, which I’ve mentioned in an earlier blog, and so watched the first episode of the new series on Sunday.

The horrendous physical challenges that the recruits go through test their emotional and mental capacity and bring them face to face with the psychological impact of their life experiences.

It’s raw and brutal and this first episode focused on Jerrome, who was in prison for a fire arms offence and clearly had a difficult start in life. As the SAS leaders pushed him, he struggled to control and manage his anger.

I was willing him on from my warm and comfy sofa, and despite wanting to give in, Jerrome didn't. He has obviously come a long way from the young man that made some bad choices earlier in his life.

He won't have achieved this by making one single, huge step, but has probably had to make hundreds of small changes to transform his life.

As the Chinese proverb says, “the journey of a thousand begins with one small step”. They really don’t have to be huge and heroic.

So, back to this year, which is also the first ever global Year of the Nurse.

It’s in honour of the 200th anniversary of Florence nightingale’s birthday and a wonderful opportunity to showcase and celebrate the profession. We’re putting plans together, so watch this space.

Welcome to 2020.

Best wishes
Claire